So, I just learned that my blog was awarded the prestigious “Bestest Blog of the Day” award!! This is more awesome than if scientists discovered that chocolate was a vegetable! Well, almost.
Anyway, I'll just like to thank the Academy (a.k.a., Bobby) for this award. Naturally, this honour comes as a complete surprise (but luckily, I just happened to have this little speech prepared). First off, I would just like to thank my Lord and Eternal Homeslice, Jesus, for making this all possible...thanks dawg! Then special thanks goes out to Lizza, for her most excellent review on Bestest Blog! Of course I simply have to mention L>T, who has been the most rediculously awesome blog buddy a cerebrally inclined, mildly misanthropic, phallically gifted philosopher could ask for! (That's right Lizza, I do say so myself!) A special shout-out to mist1, a woman whose wit rivals that of the gods. Then there is the uncanny mizfit, the cynics (both cheery and cheerful), and a scientist that's funnier than you. I must also express the sincerest gratitude to my beloved, and recently retired, warya. As far as writers go, you're a goddess among men, and you'll be sorely missed. Let's see, have I forget anyone. Oh yes, there is also anonymous. I'm not sure who you are, but you've left several comments on my blog and I'm greatful for each one. Finally, to all my many regular visitors (real or imagined) who were too coy to leave a comment, I'll like to say: "Go screw yourselves!" I kid I kid. This would not have been possible if it wasn't for you. (Actually, it would have, so I guess your sorry arses never really made a difference at all, but I still love you nonetheless.)
And now that I've said my piece I'm ready to announce my retirement. But don't worry, it is only temporary... I'll be back at the dawn of the New Year (with my traditional New Years message of course). I just need some time to finish up the first draft of my dissertation and deal with the return of my recurring nightmares in which I'm attacked by a gang of rabid Canadian Koala bears (I knew they were Canadian because of the way the top of their heads flopped up and down when they talked). In the interim, I invite you to catch up on the archives. Lizza said that if you don't, she'll come over there and kick your arse! Okay, so maybe I just made that last bit up...but are you really willing to take that chance?
Finally, let me address the question on everyone's mind. What business does an atheist have giving thanks to Jesus? Well, to you I may be an atheist, but to God I'm just playing hard to get (and that really turns him on).
See you next year.