Despite the combined efforts of Jesus (See: Jesus's Match.com Profile) and our beloved president, the terror alert level has once again been raised to orange. About two dozen terrorists, with alleged ties to al-Qaeda, were stopped in Heathrow carrying enough gatorade to bring down a Boeing 747! Now the Department of Homeland Security has issued a list of items not allowed in airline carry-on:
- All sports drinks and containers with liquids (with the exception of baby bottles and lactating women)
- Hairsprays, hair gels and flammable hair extensions
- Electric toothbrushes and other battery operated vibrating instruments (sorry ladies, but you have to leave the rabbit at home)
- Toiletry items including toothpaste, mouthwash, concentrated hydrochloric acid and French percussion grenades.
- Muthafuckin snakes!