Friday, March 10, 2006

Freewill Tastes Like Chicken!

Few philosophical puzzles have proven to be as intractable as the question: are we truly free? (Other equally perplexing quandaries include how did the universe begin, is space infinite, why do I get aroused whenever someone mentions the planet Uranus, and does this fact make me gay?) Immanuel Kant demonstrated that freewill is a necessary prerequisite for being a rational and morally virtuous individual, thereby proving conclusively that French women don’t have souls. Kant also complained that although our minds are free, we are still required to make an initial twenty-five percent down-payment on our bodies. But the question remains, could freewill be nothing more than our ignorance of the true causes of our thoughts and actions? Could we all just be automatons programmed to think that we are thinking, when in fact there actually aren’t any thoughts being thought? Now there’s something to think about! But I suppose that the real question on everyone’s mind is what does this guy have against French women anyway? Well, let me put it to you this way: if a woman is willing to allow the hair in her armpits to grow wild like a berry bush then there is no telling what other evils she’s capable of!

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