As I was leaving the library this morning two young ladies stationed just outside the main doors asked me if I would like to make a contribution to the Women’s Rugby team. I gracefully declined, pointing out that I wasn’t a supporter of rugby or women. In fact, I believe both the sport and the gender should be banned. Now you may find it strange that I want to ban women (especially given my obsessive fascination with boobs), but it is only because of my even greater desire for world peace. Why is it that men go to war? For power and money, right? And why do men desire power and money? Why to impress women of course! Thus, it logically follows that if we got rid of all the women then there would be no reason for men to desire power and money and hence no reason for war! It’s just that simple. Of course, the human race would go extinct shortly thereafter, but I trust we could all agree that none of the other species on the planet would really miss us. (Well except for dogs, but everyone knows that dogs are pandering sellouts! Which is just another reason cats rule.) And if you’re wondering what any of this has to do with the life-saving power of orange juice then welcome to the club.
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