Thursday, September 07, 2006

Statistically, One out of Every One Person will Die

So the results from last week’s check-up are finally back and it turns out I’m going to die. (Not necessarily anytime soon, but it’s bound to happen eventually.) And thus ends my long futile bid for immortality. Now there is no need to worry, I’m not ill and the doctor assured me that I’m in normal physical condition for someone my age. But that’s precisely the problem. Since most blokes my age are mortal, being normal (i.e., just like them) means I must be mortal too. I realise this may seem like a trivial matter to many, but I’ve long had my fingers crossed that somehow the first law of thermodynamics didn’t apply to me. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I think I’m special or anything; it’s just that I happen to be severely allergic to dying.

Unsurprisingly, this has put me in a rather sour mood. I feel grumpy, hungry, sleepy… hell, I’m all seven dwarfs combined! And since I don’t believe in a hereafter, being dead would pretty much ruin my sex-life. (Then again, if we were judging from my sex-life, you would probably conclude that I’ve already crossed The River Styx. You hear that Diane! Dead man talking!) But seriously, I don’t ask for much…all I want is the sweet sweet loving of a good woman and to live forever. (Oh, and sharks with freakin’ laser beams attached to their heads … that would fucking rock!)

9 comments:

L>T said...

sex who needs that? Life has fucked you, my friend.

I on the other hand deal with the devil.
Im trading my soul for immortality.

warya said...

please don't die yet. everyone's threatening to these days.
hey, am i really in your top five list of chicks you'd love to blogger? aww am very touched. would love to blogger you too (what with your (philosophical) muscles and all).
perhaps we should get a blog.

L>T said...

blogger you? is that like bugger?

is getting a blog like having a baby? I don't get it.

is blogging like ((philosophical)) fucking?

Man, you can say anything over here!!

Mike Kline said...

Why didn't anyone tell me we all signed up to die! Do you think I would surf with sharks, if I was aware of my immortality? In addition, why didn't anyone tell me that sharks have laser beams mounted on their heads? Where have I been? Fun blog.

Nubian Nerd said...

Warya, you’re not just on the list; you’re at the very top! Of course I would be honoured to blog with you, but quite frankly I would feel embarrassed to have my posts appear next to yours (yes, I’m one of those sorry blokes you were taking the piss out of some time ago for feeling intimidated by superior writers.) Though I’m guessing you’re the kinda gal that prefers being on top when she’s blogging.

Nubian Nerd said...

To L>T,
Who needs sex? Are you kidding me. As far as my hobbies are concerned, I would rank sex second only to brick oven New York city pizza and breathing (in roughly that order)!

L>T said...

well, the pleasure is momentary & the position is ridiculous... ;]

Acually, I'm a fan also, tho I talk about it more then i do it...

L>T said...

HEY!! did you know your comment thingy isn't working on the last two posts. Maybe you do know but i thought i'd clue you in anyway. The penis post is funny :)

Nubian Nerd said...

Thanks for the heads up L>T. And all this time I was thinking that no one loved me anymore. Can you try posting again and let me know if you aren't successful?