Friday, April 06, 2007

The Easter Bill

Remember that without capital punishment there would be no Easter. So this Easter, go to the ballet box and show your support for the new binding referendum for the reinstatement of crucifixion. Let's face it, lethal injections and the electric chair are for pussies. What we need is capital punishment with testicles!

Peter was crucified upside down for his lord and when the martyrs were burned at the stake, legend has it that they sang until their voices were no more. Sure, their songs were somewhat high pitched and along the lines of “oh Gawd, oh gawd make it stop!” But at least they sang, dammit!

But take a look at the sorry state of capital punishment today. “Will you like to have a pedicure with that lethal injection?” Give me a break! Back in the day, criminals would often die just from the scourging that served as the warm-up for the main event. And once the nailing began all you had to look forward to was hours, sometimes days, of insane amounts of pain, asphyxiation, dehydration, pulmonary embolism, and if you were really lucky, an ischemic stroke. Now that's the way a REAL MAN dies!

Let your nation's leaders know that you're tired of the girlie booster shot that people today call capital punishment. Vote yes on Referendum ER 33: Crucify Them!

3 comments:

Lizza said...

Recovering from a painful tummy from laughing at this post. Priceless!

Dammit, YOU should be crucified for not posting often enough. Do you have the balls for your own brand of punishment? ;-)

mist1 said...

I have never made the connection between capital punishment and crucifixion before. I feel stupid.

Pistol Pete said...

I agree with your support for more gruesome capital punishment. If we had more public executions (such as crucifixion), people would gather for community picnics rather than sit at home and watch blasted reality shows.