A Day in the Life of a Philosopher

Today my self-esteem hit an all time low when my logic professor proved that I didn’t exist. I’m quite distressed. Perhaps this explains why my jeans are so loose-fitting. What’s equally upsetting is that I learned that non-existence does not exempt one from local and federal taxes. But if anything could be said for my new status, it is that I now belong to same category as many famous non-entities—such as unicorns, Bigfoot and US military intelligence.

Break Out the Kilts

Yes folks, it's true. I've moved to Scotland - the home of golf, the 5pm hangover and the Loch Ness monster (better known by his rap name, L-Nizzy). A few minutes ago - on my way to the computer lab - I saw a burly man with tattoos, shaved head, and a camouflaged army coat, wearing a skirt (sure, you can call it a fancy name if you like, but it's still a skirt!) Needless to say, I'm quite enjoying myself, though judging from most folks' facial expression upon first meeting me I would guess they aren't very used to seeing people of my pigmentation. Well, either that or they find my newly acquired habit of spontaneously bursting into "Don't Cry for Me Argentina" while hopping on one leg to be something of a novelty. Either way, it is clear that I'll be one of the most recognizable faces on campus. The only question that remains is: will I use my newfound celebrity for good or for evil? Decisions, decisions.